I second the recommendation of "Algorithms to Live By" here in the comments. But more importantly, related to the question that we cannot assess in advance how we will truly feel about decisions like having children, I recommend the book "Transformative Experiences" by L. A. Paul:
"Rational choice models of decision-making suggest gathering information on options and then proceeding with the option that best fits a person's current preferences and values. Paul argues that such a decision-making process is not possible for some options, called "transformative experiences", because the experience fundamentally transforms the person experiencing it. Paul offers a hypothetical example of a decision to become a vampire. Because a person would be fundamentally transformed by becoming a vampire, they cannot possibly know in advance what being a vampire is like. Other vampires might offer information, but their advice is likely shaped by their own irreversible choice. In this situation, a fully informed comparison of preferences and values is impossible.
Paul argues that several major life choices, such as having a child, converting to a religion, or medically altering one's physical and mental capacities, are transformative experiences that are structurally similar to becoming a vampire. A transformative experience changes the values and preferences held before making the decision. Making a choice therefore requires either relying on current preferences that may be incompatible with preferences developed after a transformative experience, or relying on possibly biased or unreliable input from others about their transformative experiences. As neither of these options is consistent with a first-person preference-based rational decision-making model, making a rational decision about transformative experiences requires thinking about the decision-making process differently. Rather than focusing on a specific personal outcome, Paul suggests instead considering the value of "revelation" by weighing the value of becoming a different person against the value of remaining the same person."
Are you familiar with the book Algorithims to Live by Bryan Christian? He talks at length about marriage as an "optimal stopping problem". Also known as "the secretary problem" in philosophy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem
I second the recommendation of "Algorithms to Live By" here in the comments. But more importantly, related to the question that we cannot assess in advance how we will truly feel about decisions like having children, I recommend the book "Transformative Experiences" by L. A. Paul:
"Rational choice models of decision-making suggest gathering information on options and then proceeding with the option that best fits a person's current preferences and values. Paul argues that such a decision-making process is not possible for some options, called "transformative experiences", because the experience fundamentally transforms the person experiencing it. Paul offers a hypothetical example of a decision to become a vampire. Because a person would be fundamentally transformed by becoming a vampire, they cannot possibly know in advance what being a vampire is like. Other vampires might offer information, but their advice is likely shaped by their own irreversible choice. In this situation, a fully informed comparison of preferences and values is impossible.
Paul argues that several major life choices, such as having a child, converting to a religion, or medically altering one's physical and mental capacities, are transformative experiences that are structurally similar to becoming a vampire. A transformative experience changes the values and preferences held before making the decision. Making a choice therefore requires either relying on current preferences that may be incompatible with preferences developed after a transformative experience, or relying on possibly biased or unreliable input from others about their transformative experiences. As neither of these options is consistent with a first-person preference-based rational decision-making model, making a rational decision about transformative experiences requires thinking about the decision-making process differently. Rather than focusing on a specific personal outcome, Paul suggests instead considering the value of "revelation" by weighing the value of becoming a different person against the value of remaining the same person."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transformative_Experience
Are you familiar with the book Algorithims to Live by Bryan Christian? He talks at length about marriage as an "optimal stopping problem". Also known as "the secretary problem" in philosophy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem