If you’ve ever dated a Puerto Rican woman—and, for my sins, I have—you’ll know exactly what a shit test is.
The feminine shit test is a ruthlessly calculated exercise. A test or series of tests designed specifically to gauge exactly the kind of man you are, with a view, ultimately, to your reproductive fitness. Pass or fail.
Will he protect me?
Will he make a good father?
Is he a doormat who’ll put up with anything to keep me around and let me get my way even when I’m being pointlessly destructive and unpleasant; or will he put his foot down and assert his masculinity like a good naked ape by bonking me on the head with a large stick and carrying me back to his cave, so I can calm down?
Sometimes, these tests are innocuous—little things—that you think aren’t invested with any value at all, but other times it’s a Chernobyl-scale meltdown and you either come in and drop a concrete sarcophagus over the whole flaming mess to contain it, or you get a lethal dose of radiation and all your skin falls off a few days later.
Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but if you’ve faced a shit test, especially from a Puerto Rican woman, you’ll know what I mean. Things can get explosive.
The COVID-19 pandemic was a shit test. In fact, it was probably the largest shit test in all of human history. A global shit test. The ultimate shit test. The shit test to end all shit tests.
For going on four years, governments around the world and all their associated organs—Big Pharma, the media, NGOs, universities, big business—put their citizens through a series of tests that allowed them to discover, in fine detail, exactly how much overreach and arbitrary intrusion their citizens would tolerate.
Turns out, it was a lot. Probably more than governments and behavioural “experts” ever expected. It certainly surprised me, and I’m a lifelong misanthrope who regards the average person as little more sentient than a woodlouse (I think you call them “pill bugs” or “roly-polys” on the other side of the Pond).
Much of what went on was simply absurd—but that was the point. In the Middle Ages, there was this phrase, “Credo quia absurdum est”: “I believe [in God] because it is absurd.” The belief in absurdity is the ultimate test of faith, since there can be no grounding in rationality, no evidence of the eyes and ears and other senses to tell us our belief is justified. It’s weird and stupid and you’ve just got to get over it if you want to demonstrate your worthiness and join the club and maybe one day enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Tyranny is like that too. Making people stand six feet apart for no justified medical reason whatsoever or wear masks with holes in them that are much larger than the virus they’re supposed to contain, or getting people to report on each other for going out for one too many walks each day—all absurd, all without any basis whatsoever in a rational assessment of the situation or the risks involved. But people did it, and they did it enthusiastically and, for the most part, without question.
