For the ancient Greeks, it was the shapely buttocks of the famous statue of Aphrodite kallipygos—literally “Aphrodite of the beautiful arse.” The female ideal also included small, pert breasts; pale skin indicative of leisure indoors, away from the sun; and fair reddish or blonde hair. The male ideal, by contrast, was that of the athlete, the body shaped by training in the gymnasium and the wrestling school (palaestra) for competition and, ultimately, war. Defined but not excessive musculature; broad shoulders and narrow waist; tanned skin glistening with olive oil and exfoliated by the scraping of a bronze strigil. And we know the Greeks preferred dainty genitals too—at least in art—as a sign of masculine continence and self-control.
In our own time, one of the more enduring and coveted signs of health and beauty has been “six-pack abs”—visible, taut musculature of the core—and bulging biceps. But of course fashions change, and now we’re on our own callipygian bent, and it’s not just the women with their endless “booty workouts” and BBLs stuffed into tight Lululemon yoga pants like obscene Christmas hams. Just the other week I opened the lifestyle section of a newspaper magazine and was told powerful glutes are now the “must-have” physical status symbol for men too.
We seem to be going much further than the ancient Greeks and their love of the perfectly rounded posterior. If the latest news from the White House is anything to go by, we’re actually regressing to a much deeper, more primitive state, something like Freud’s anal stage writ large, when the child is fascinated and thrilled by what comes out of its body in solid form. According to The New York Times, some of the most powerful men in the world now want, more than anything else, a bum that doesn’t need to be wiped.
Apologies if you’re reading this over breakfast, lunch, dinner—brunch even or just a small snack. You might want to save the rest of this article for later.
This strange new fad is the work of one man, a 63-year-old doctor called Sean O’Mara. O’Mara has introduced a new diet he’s dubbed the “Living Diet” to the White House, and it’s being credited with miraculous results. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Secretary of Health and Human Services, claims the diet has reduced his visceral fat by 40%. President Trump is said to have complimented the Vice President on his new trim physique. And yes, looking at the Vice President, he does look like he’s in significantly better shape. Howard Lutnick and Sean Duffy are on the diet too.
The Living Diet involves eating only meat from grass-fed ruminants—cows, bison, elk, venison, sheep—and as many different kinds of fermented food as possible—raw milk, kimchi, blue cheese, kefir, kvass (fermented rye beer), live yoghurt, sauerkraut. The real aim of the diet is to populate the gut with a wide a variety of beneficial bacteria, which ramp up the body’s metabolism, burning more calories and helping the dieter lose weight effortlessly.
